Hi friends,
Wow it’s been an eternity since my last letter to you (March). Since that time, so much has happened (change seems to be the theme of my year so far).
When I last wrote, I was working as a Psychiatry doctor in London as part of my rotations through GP (specialist) training. It was a really difficult rotation to walk through because it was so disorganised and I did not enjoy it. While I am fascinated by psychology and humans in general - there were elements of psychiatric practice that were not suited to me. Increasingly, I found myself feeling anxious and unsupported. The rota was chaotic, there was too much admin and I felt like a glorified secretary at best.
So how did I get through and hold on to my sense of purpose?
I was honest with my support system.
I cried, expressed frustration, kicked and screamed, all of it. It was important that these feelings were constantly brought to the surface. Being vulnerable is never comfortable, but it positioned me to receive encouragement, prayers, kindness and treats.
I zoomed out and took a look at the bigger picture, often.
This job was 4 months. I could either standstill and feel daunted by my unhappiness, or I could choose to hold a higher perspective. Four months of a year was not eternity. This helped me focus on what the positives were: experience, growth and resilience.
I stopped idealising and romanticising my life.
Things were sucky and bleak. It was not the time to compare myself to others and imagine all the ‘if only’s’ and ‘what if's’ of my life. Instead, it was important to stay focused on finishing and finishing well. I cut out social media to help with this and it brought a sharper clarity and focus to me that also helped my mental state and resilience.
Sometimes your purpose requires you to walk through a valley, to experience a rainstorm or even a wilderness. The times it feels especially hard and you want to give up? Are often the times that grow you to your higher self.
Your journal prompt: What has been your biggest challenge so far this year and how can you overcome it?
Your challenge for the week: Spend 10 minutes one day this week doing a sitting or lying meditation. For many of us, meditation may seem like a vague concept but it’s so powerful for tuning in to your present and gaining mental clarity. All you need to do is find somewhere quiet, set your timer to 10min and sit/lie comfortably. Try to focus on your present, the sounds and smells around you, your body position, what you can physically and emotionally feel in that time. Your mind will wander - that’s normal. If you would like to play music, here is an album that I'm loving. It’s by TY Bello:
Until next time,
Sanaa